Driving Lessons In Konoha
by Evil Little Angel
Summary: A driving instructer comes to Konoha! See what happens when the local and neighboring ninjas get behind the wheel for the first time....
1. Rock Lee

**Disclaimer: Tragically (at least in my world) Naruto is owned by someone other than me.**

The driving instructor fiddled anxiously with his clipboard and checked the clock. His first student from Konoha would be here at any moment. The instructor once again checked the clipboard. He would be teaching a "Rock Lee" apparently. The minute changed and instantly the door flew open and something bright green hurtled through the door.

"I am Rock Lee, reporting for my driving lesson, sir!" shouted the strange little man in green spandex. From the looks of him, he could probably have cleaned the windshield with his eyebrows alone.

"Ah, yes, yes, Rock Lee," The poor instructor babbled. He was still trying to get over the boy's appearance, "I'm Toby, and I'll be your driving instructor today."

"I am aware of this, Toby-sensei, I read it on your name tag, if we could begin with the driving I would much appreciate it." replied Rock Lee in a strangely emotionless and overly formal tone that Toby would be hearing a lot more of. The instructor wiped the sweat from his brow.

"Well, before we begin, you need to remember that that pedal is the gas, that one is the break, and be very firm when you steer. The stick shift works…." Toby began to recite, but Lee cut him off.

"Yes I have read the manual and I know all of this." He replied in that same strange voice; it was now edged with impatience.

"All right then, let's see you drive a lap around the parking lot."

With fierce enthusiasm, Lee smashed down the gas pedal with his foot. Instantly the car was off at breakneck speed, jolting as lurching violently as Lee quickly switched through the gears. Toby gripped the dashboard. It was just his luck that his first student drove like a maniac. Toby looked up nervously just in time to see the corner of the parking lot coming up. By now the car was reaching its maximum acceleration.

Jut when Toby began to worry that they were going to crash violently into the curb, Lee jerked the steering wheel to the right. With a horrible screech, the car reared up on its right wheels and tore around the corner. Then there was another jolt when the car's left wheels slammed to the ground. But before Toby had a chance to catch his breath, they had barrelled down the length of the parking lot and ripped around the next corner. After several more seconds of high speed and screams of agony emitted from the car's tires, Lee brought the vehicle to a sudden stop.

"How was that, sensei?" Lee asked. Toby could see the boy was literally bouncing with enthusiasm. Toby opened his mouth to speak but the only noise that came out was a low groan. Lee took no notice of his instructor's pain and continued to jabber excitedly.

"I had no idea that this driving would be so exhilarating. I am wondering if I could apply my tai-jutsu to this machine." He babbled.

Toby shot him a very blank look. Lee seemed to take this as permission and once again gunned the engine. Konoha's driving teacher simply slumped down in his seat.

Toby had just directed his glance to his lap when he found his head nearly hitting the ceiling. Further bizarre noise came screaming from the engine.

"Yahoo!" called Lee. Toby looked over to his student leaning halfway out the window. The scary thing was, he seemed oblivious to the rocking motion of the car. Or possibly scariest of all, his hair didn't seem to be moving much in the intense breeze.

"I…er…. ulp." Toby tried to lecture the young man, but closed his mouth when he felt the need to hurl surfacing.

"Watch me try the "Leaf Hurricane" technique, sensei." Instructed Rock Lee. Toby never got a chance to ask what that was.

All of a sudden the car was spinning on its two front wheels at previously unrecorded speeds. Rock Lee, apparently immune to carsickness, was shouting happily in the front seat. In desperation, Toby jammed down the emergency brake on the passenger side. The car slowed, then he felt the vehicle shudder. There was a cracking noise and the pedal went floppy. Horror set in. This youth's crazed driving had snapped the emergency brake cable. Which meant he was at the mercy of this idiot's driving.

With a few more turns of the steering wheel and jerks of a few levers, the back end of the car took off in the air and slammed down again.

"This works better than I had thought, sensei!" Lee exclaimed. Toby stuck his head up over the dashboard.

"Um, Lee?" he moaned. The car may have stopped spinning, but his head hadn't. The spandex-clad lad took no notice.

"PRIMARY LOTUS!" he shrieked. Ripples of blue energy began to pulse across the windows. The car began backing up. Toby opened his mouth in protest, but nothing came out.

Once again there was that sickening speed. Toby glanced over at Lee. Never mind driving like a maniac, the boy WAS a maniac. He would have to recommend a good counsellor when this was over.

The car rocked with a sickening jolt. Toby felt his feet fly over his head. He went to look if they had hit an obstacle, but there was nothing. In fact, there wasn't even a road. Or any ground at all. Down below, a faint car alarm sounded. Toby guessed that it had been used as a ramp.

The car did a slow rotation in midair and fell back to earth. Toby's head snapped forward. The car bounced a full foot off the ground on its rubber tires and crashed to the ground as the airbags deployed. Lee eyed the white ballooning cloth with dismay.

"Maybe these 'cars' are not so good for ninja techniques. Forgive me sensei." Lee apologized. With that, he opened the door, hopped to the ground and sped off twice as quickly as any car could ever hope to go.

**A/N: There's the first instalment of my "Driving Lessons" story! Hope you enjoyed it! **

**Reviews would be appreciated… Tell me who you'd like to see behind the wheel!**


	2. Orochimaru

**Disclaimer: No amount of writing these disclaimers will ever change the fact that I do not own Naruto. How very sad.**

Toby furiously mopped his brow with his sleeve. That last driving lesson was almost more than he could bear. He could only hope that his next student wasn't quite so…reckless.

The sound of the door slamming shut made Toby jump. He looked over in surprise to see a very pale man with long black hair and purple eye shadow running from his eyelids to his nose.

"I believe I am your next student." He grinned. He seemed to hiss more than he spoke.

"Ah, yes, Mr., um…" Toby fumbled with his clipboard.

"Orochimaru would be fine." The man replied.

"Yes, Orochimaru then." Toby agreed,"Err, shall we review the basics?"

Orochimaru was silent. Toby took that as his signal to continue.

"All right then, in front of you, that's the steering wheel…"

"I know." Orochimaru's cold voice interrupted. Toby stopped talking immediately. This man was frightening. And he hadn't even launched the car into the air.

Suddenly, Orochimaru began doing something very unexpected. He was caressing the car. His hands went over the dashboard, down the steering wheel and over the stick shift. Just when it looked like Toby would have to intervene for the car's sake, Orochimaru spoke.

"This car," he mused,"is not yet evil enough." Toby threw him a puzzled look. He continued, "I MUST DRIVE IT OVER CHILDREN!"

Toby yelled in alarm. Orochimaru took no notice, but floored the gas pedal and sent the car speeding toward a group of young academy student playing nearby. Toby attempted to stop this, but the emergency brake pedal flopped uselessly against the floor. Of course, the boy in the bad eighties workout get up had broken it.

The car bumped gently when it hit the children. Faint shrieks of Konoha's future heroes could be heard. Orochimaru seemed to enjoy this, and backed the car over the children again.

"They make a funny noise." He commented. This enraged Toby.

"You…. you…MONSTER! Destroying innocent children!" He spat.

"I'm not done yet." Orochimaru calmly replied. Toby spluttered in anger.

"There are still small animals to squish." Orochimaru grinned.

Toby tried to yell out again, but could only find himself sinking down in his seat when the man brutally flattened a small colony of shrieking squirrels. When Orochimaru and had his fun, he tried to gun the engine again, so he could get started on the teenage and elderly populations, but the engine simply whined. Toby let out a sigh of relief. Orochimaru only sighed.

"Not again. Those little bodies are such a nuisance when they get stuck in the engine."

To Toby's amazement, Orochimaru pulled a long stick out of seemingly nowhere and left the car. Through the window he could be seen crouching on the ground, viciously poking the little limbs hanging from under the car.

Then Toby had a sudden stroke of genius. He flung himself into the driver's seat, slammed the open door and locked it. Orochimaru looked up at the sound. Toby gave him a daring wave and grin as the car pulled away.

The grin faded when he was out of Orochimaru's sight. That man was probably going to come back and kill him at some point. Oh well.

**There's my second driving lesson! I know I received several requests for Shikamaru, but I already had this one going. Next chapter, I promise!**

**Keep reviewing, please. I need all the feedback I can get. Really. And keep giving me ideas!!!**

**BELIEVE IT!**


	3. Shikamaru

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, then I wouldn't be writing fan fictions, now would I?**

Two weeks later, when Toby had had the brake cable repaired and ensured that Orochimaru had left the area, he cautiously began to give driving lessons again. Trembling, he clambered into the passenger seat of the car and brought out his clipboard list of students. The next student in line seemed to be a youth, a lad by the name of "Shikamaru".

As if on cue, a young man sporting a short, high ponytail and clad in what looked suspiciously like fishnet flopped down in the driver's seat.

"Shikamaru?" Toby asked fearfully. The boy sighed.

"Yeah, that's me."

"Well then," Toby brightened up,"let's review the basics, shall we?" He was met with another sigh.

"Whatever."

Toby began happily naming all the controls of the car, as Shikamaru sat in the front seat and vigilantly ignored him. The instructor droned on and on, and it seemed like he would never shut up. Shikamaru rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"This is such a drag…" he muttered.

Toby noticed the boy increasing apathy and quickly wrapped up his speech. The boy didn't seem very energetic to begin with, and Toby worried that if he got too bored, the boy might actually slip into a coma. He took a deep breath.

"So, are you ready to start driving?" he asked fearfully.

"Whatever." Shikamaru replied with a sigh.

The car started and with a little jolt, they were off. Toby closed his eyes tightly, but there were no squelches of innocent bystanders in the wheels, and as far as he could tell, the car was still on the ground. He opened one eye. Shikamaru was guiding the car in a loop around the lot, staring blankly ahead. Toby's other eye opened. He couldn't believe it! Fr the first time, this student's driving was not likely to land him in the hospital!

When Shikamaru had come full circle around the lot, he stopped the car and said nothing.

"That was an excellent first try!" Toby exclaimed, "In fact, I think you're ready for the pylon courses!"

"What a drag." Shikamaru replied. But nonetheless, he followed Toby's directions and found himself at the start of a long course that wound back and forth and around the driving school and ended very close to where it had started.

"What a drag."

The car once again set off. Shikamaru skilfully turned the car around the little orange cones and the instructor and student sat in silence. Toby tried to break the awkwardness.

"Such nice weather we're having. Such beautiful cloud formations." He said offhand, trying make conversation. What he didn't realize was that that was probably the worst thing he could have possibly said.

"Yeah." replied Shikamaru, but his focus was already slipping. The pair lapsed back into silence.

Shikamaru looked up at the clouds that Toby had pointed out. He was right; they were beautiful clouds. But then again, all clouds were beautiful to him. They were so free, just flowing with the wind, with no responsibilities, or worries. They went where they pleased, and no one could stop them. What he wouldn't give to be a cloud…

Toby was too busy staring out the window to notice that the car was slipping off course. Nor did he notice that school building was coming closer to the car than it should have. All of a sudden, a faint grating noise caught his attention. When he leaned out the passenger window, he could see a road cone stuck in the rear wheel. He turned to point this out to Shikamaru, but when he saw his student, he couldn't bring himself to say anything.

Shikamaru was definitely asleep at the wheel. He looked peaceful like that, with his head pointed up at the sky. Toby found himself looking up there too. Ah, the beautiful white clouds. They were so free, just flowing with the wind, with no responsibilities, or worries. They went where they pleased, and no one could stop them. What he wouldn't give to be a cloud…

Before he knew what was happening, Toby was also asleep. And before anyone else knew what was happening, the driver's car had ploughed through the school wall and into a classroom.

Toby awoke to find himself in a cloud of plaster dust. He could hear some people shouting. What was going on? Suddenly, everything came back to him.

"SHIKAMARU!" he screeched. The boy lazily opened his eyes and sighed. Toby continued. "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! HOW ARE WE EVER GOING TO FIX THIS?"

Shikamaru let out another sigh and silently got out of the car. To Toby's amazement, he walked around and popped the hood of the car. Within minutes, he had effectively repaired the engine, and transformed the ominous coughing noise it was making to a gentle purr. Shikamaru sighed, and turned to get back in the car. Toby was too fast for him.

"Oh no, you are not driving this thing again!" he exclaimed.

"What a drag." Shikamaru sighed as he rolled his eyes. Then the boy turned around and strode across the parking lot. Toby watched curiously. 

Shikamaru suddenly turned and made a sort of signal with his hands. In response, his shadow elongated and snaked across the lot, coming to stop under the car. Then the boy began to walk forward. As if by magic, the car started going in reverse to meet him. Toby was aghast. He yelled, he honked the horn, turned on the brakes, twisted the wheel, cried, pleaded and even beat his head on the dashboard, but the car insisted on going backwards.

Once the car had been removed from it's lodging in the brick wall, the boy stopped. He made another hand sign and the shadow retreated. Then he silently walked away. But before he was out of sight, the words "What a drag" drifted across the parking lot.

**There, as promised, was Shikamaru. Hope you enjoyed it! I've got a few more ideas lined up, but suggestions are welcome!!! Thanks to all my reviewers, go give yourself a cookie. Or a pickle, or whatever makes you happy.**

**Keep reading and reviewing! BELIEVE IT! (Sorry, um, "Fallen to Earth"…)**


	4. Kakashi

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, no reversal of time and space has occurred, meaning I still don't own Naruto.

Note: This chapter may need to be rated T because it mention's Kakashi's….um, pastime. If you know what I mean. But nothing explicit.

After saying countless apologies and switching cars, as the original car needed bodywork, Toby found himself back in the parking lot, waiting for his next student.

"Hmm…Kakashi Hatake…" he read. According to the list, this was another adult student. He only hoped that this man wasn't as deranged as his last adult student. Toby checked the clock. One minute until his scheduled lesson. Toby settled back in his chair, waiting for the student to arrive.

Three hours later, a knock on the window woke Toby from his slumber. He bolted upright, and then twisted the door handle to admit a strange looking man with a mask that obscured half of his face and hair that defied the laws of physics. It was amazing; he looked as though he had just escaped from a wind tunnel.

"Sorry I'm late!" Kakashi apologized. Toby couldn't see his mouth, but the look in his visible eye told him that Kakashi was smiling.

"Sir, you're quite late. May I ask where you've been?" Toby demanded in a huff.

"I got lost on the way." He replied. Toby glanced around Konoha. From what he could see, getting lost in this puny village seemed very unlikely.

"Shall we begin?" Kakashi asked, pulling out an orange book. Toby glanced at the cover and flushed red.

"Yes, but, erm…Sir, would you mind putting that away?" he asked timidly,"And about your mask; I don't know if driving with one eye covered is a good idea…"

Kakashi flipped his book shut and tucked it away, and then sighed. Hesitantly, he yanked his headband up to reveal his Sharingan eye.

Toby looked into Kakashi's eye. It was a horrible, deep red, with more pupils that it should have had, swirling in the iris's bands of pink and red.

"Put it away!" Toby moaned, feeling nauseous. Kakashi happily complied.

"Er…maybe I should just name the parts of the car." Toby asked, and began to give his standard lecture. After a few moments, he began to slip back into the routine of the driving lessons. Kakashi sat quietly, and seemed to be listening intently. Then about halfway through the lecture, Toby turned to ask his student a question.

"Well, Kakashi, do you have any experience with the stick shift." He asked cheerily. Kakashi didn't answer. He was his orange book.

"Sir!" Toby exclaimed," Once again, I'm going to have to ask you to put that away!"

Kakashi silently obeyed and then spoke, "I think I'm well familiar with this vehicle. Why don't we just start the lesson?"

Toby was flustered, but nodded. He gave the instruction to complete a lap of the parking lot, and then shut his eyes tightly. The car roared to life and he could feel it start to inch forward. But there was no crash. The car did not take off, and possible future Hokages did not perish under the wheels. Instead, the car glided to a graceful stop. Toby opened his eyes. It was over. They had come full circle.

"Well, very good, Kakashi!" Toby praised. Kakashi said nothing. Toby continued," Why don't you try the pylon course?"

Kakashi followed Toby's directions and before long the car was winding peacefully between the pylons, the engine humming softly. Toby was very pleased with his student's competence. Instead of fearing for his life, he could look peacefully out the window at the orange pylons. Hen he noticed something else orange.

"KAKASHI! Please put your porn away!" he pleaded. Kakashi was driving one-handed, his one eyes staring at the book instead of at the road ahead. By some miracle, they hadn't plunged through the patch of still-drying cement in the wall, but Toby knew that it was only a matter time before they hit something.

Once again Kakashi put away the book and continued driving. To Toby's surprise, he skilfully completed the course without a single error.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Toby muttered,"But I think you're ready for a road test."

Kakashi obeyed the instructor's directions and headed for the open road. Kakashi glanced around; traffic zoomed by in every direction. Lights blinked on and off, and signs peppered the side of the road. This would have been simple – if he had read the driver's handbook. But after opening the book for the first time, Kakashi had balked. He had never read something so…so…. appropriate and non-explicit before in his entire life. After having a minor spasm, he picked up his favourite book again. Driving couldn't be that difficult anyways.

Once again, Kakashi was having a minor spasm. Maybe reading a rated-G book wasn't so pointless after all. Then Kakashi had an idea. He carefully snaked his hand up to his face and pulled back his angled headband. The red Sharingan eye stared forward at the road ahead. Then shutting his normal eye, he focused on the driver ahead.

For a few minutes, this technique worked. Toby was curled up on the seat with his eyes shut in fear, and did not notice the use of the blood-red, swirling Sharingan eye. The driver ahead drove responsibly, if not a bit too fast. Then all of a sudden came a siren in the distance. The driver jumped noticeably and sped up. The siren came closer, parting traffic. The driver began to drive recklessly. Then a shot rang out from behind and a bullet shattered near the driver's wheel.

Kakashi realized what was happening. On his first time driving, he was stuck in a high-speed chase. It never occurred to him to open his other eye. He just kept following.

Toby's head snapped up at the sound of the gunshot. The first thing he noticed was that the car was going faster than the limit. The second thing he noticed was the car ahead of them.

"Kakashi! What's going on?" he demanded. But whne he looked over, all he saw was the cover of a certain, obscene book.

"KAKASHI!" he roared "PUT THE PORN AWAY, MAN!"

"Oh, sorry."

Kakashi, too proud to admit that he had no idea how to drive on actual roads, decided to lie shamelessly.

"As an officer of the law," he began, " It's my duty to pursue these criminals."

Toby looked at him sceptically "If you're an officer of the law, then why can't you drive?"

"Er…I can. I was sent here to test your abilities as an instructor. Congratulations. You pass."

Toby looked sceptical. Then came a loud "bang" and the car slowed down. It seemed that the cop had targeted the instructor's tires and hit them. Kakashi hung his head and slipped his headband back down over his eyes. Toby glared at Kakashi. A little vein in his forehead began to pulse.

Kakashi and Toby found themselves in a police holding room. All of a sudden there was a knock at the door, and two more officers led in the man Kakashi had been mirroring. Kakashi looked up from his favourite book.

It was none other than Gai. Gai looked sheepish,"My student informed me of this driving experience and I had to see for myself."

Several hours later, when the police finally released Toby, he slipped into his damaged car and drove it back, if it could be called driving. The car limped more than it drove. But as the police station faded away in the mirror, he silently cursed all those sporting bowl cuts and green spandex. For surely they were out to get him.


	5. Sasuke

**Disclaimer: No matter how many of these darn disclaimers I write, Naruto will never belong to me.**

**A/N. I apologize in advance for any and all Sasuke bashing; I can't help it, that little emo kid bugs me…oops**. **Anyways, this chapter is also rated T for uh, suggestive themes. **

Poor Toby was now very thoroughly shaken by all he had been through. His students had sent him flying through the air, raced him over small children, smashed him into a wall and even landed him at the police station. But somehow, none of that prepared him for his next student.

The dark haired boy flopped down in the driver's seat and slammed the door wordlessly. Toby looked over with dread at the...chicken? The boy had the most amazing hair. It was the most accurate representation of farm birdlife he had ever seen. It was practically art.

Toby giggled quietly. Though no one would have ever known this, Toby harboured a slight liking for, no, obsession with Chicken Little. Ever since he had head the story of the crazy little chicken, he had bought up every book, movie or paraphernalia he could get his hands on. He had been so busy with his driving lessons, however, that he had forgotten about Chicken Little.

"Okay, Chicken Little, let's get started!" chirped Toby, forgetting himself.

"What did you call me?" Sasuke demanded, not turning his head.

"Oh, nothing, er….Sasuke." Tony corrected himself as he checked his clipboard.

Sasuke said nothing. Toby waited, but when it became apparent that the boy was not going to speak, he cautiously started his introductory lecture. He was only a few seconds in when the boy turned to face him. Brown eyes met blood red ones. Toby stared into them for a second, then realized what he was looking at. Remembering the deranged man whose hair defied the laws of pysics, Toby balked. Stuttering, he desperately groped for the door handle, but fell backwards. He found himself still staring into those red eyes. It had to be the silver haired man in disguise, he was sure. He had begun to desperately bang on the window in tears when a hand grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him backwards.

"Get back, Chicken Little! I know what you're up to!" Toby accused. Sasuke gave him an annoyed look.

"What are you on about?" he asked, irritated.

"You're that Kakashi fellow, aren't you?" Toby squealed. Sasuke rolled his eyes. Toby continued "Then who are you?"

Sasuke replied flatly. "I'm Sasuke Uchiha. All of my family are dead. So now I exist as a hate monger, and I don't care about anything in life. All I care about is killing my brother. Then when he's dead, I'll give my body to Orochimaru. We have an understanding."

Toby was immediately sorry he asked. Not only did this child have serious issues, but he had promised his body, as questionable as that sounded, to the scary man who ran over innocent little kids for fun.

"Oh, I see then." Toby spoke slowly, as one might speak to a small child "Why don't you try a lap around the parking lot?"

And so the car was off, driven with the bandaged, but steady hands of Sasuke the Depressed Wonder Chicken. To Toby's amazement, he managed to complete a full lap without doing any immediate damage. Toby had no choice but to direct him to the pilon course. The course where everything went horribly wrong.

"Okay, Chicken…." a gauze-wrapped hand snaked out, headed for Toby's throat ,"Er, Sasuke." The hand stopped.

"Yes, as I was saying, Sasuke, the idea of his course is to drive through to the end, without hitting any of the orange pylons." Toby explained, then joked "And the sky will not fall."

This was a bad idea. Sasuke crossed his two index fingers, and what looked like blue electricity bloomed around one.

"Mini Chidori!" cried Sasuke, and poked Toby on the nose. It hurt. A lot. But by the time Toby turned around to complain, Sasuke was already looking at the road again, twitching slightly. A low laugh rose from his throat. Soon his head was thrown back and a full scale demonic cackle was erupting from his throat. All of a sudden he stopped and looked at Toby.

"Orochimaru taught me that. After all, this mouth will be his soon." he explained. Toby thought it best not to reply.

The laughing continued, then once again stopped suddenly. Sasuke stepped out the car; he pulled out a stack of photographs and a staple gun from seemingly nowhere and headed off for the pylons. Within minutes, each one had a picture of a sinister man with a black line on each side of his nose and long hair pulled back in a ponytail. Sasuke spat of the nearest one and got back in the car. Without a word of explanation, he started the engine. Toby hoped that these pictures were somehow an incentive for the boy to succeed.

Toby was sadly mistaken. Sasuke let out what sounded eerily like a battle cry and headed straight for the first pylon. The right wheel hit it dead on and there was a loud POP as the orange cone burst. Sasuke snarled in triumph. Toby let out a moan of despair.

One by one, each cone was destroyed in a similar fashion Sasuke was unrelenting. Such acts of cruelty had never been seen by mostly useless geometrical pieces of orange plastic. Just as Sasuke had managed to jam an entire row of road cones up in the wheel well, Toby tried to talk some sense into him.

"Son, be reasonable." he began. Sasuke turned to look at him.

"ALL OF MY CLAN ARE DEAD! GAARA HAD A WORSE CHILDHOOD THAN ME! LIFE IS NOT FAIR!" he shouted. Then came a scream. The two looked up to see a flash of purple fabric and blonde hair. Sasuke swore. Apparently, one of his incessant fan girls had thrown herself in front of the car. Sasuke let out disgusted noise and stopped the car. He got out, walking to the fan girl and into a warm embrace.

Ino managed to peel herself off the sidewalk in time to see Sasuke's arms reach out. But they were not for her. An alarmed gasp left her lips at the sight of Sasuke, nestled in the arms of Orochimaru. The latter man let out a soft hiss.

"There, there, Sasuke, no reason to get yourself all upset." he drawled, eyeing the surrounding carnage, "After all, we can't let anything happen to this wonderful body. No one else will do. I only want you."

Orochimaru's arm shifted as he reached up to fix Sasuke's tousled hair and Ino caught a glimpse of what looked suspiciously like Sai's cropped shirt. Next to something lacy.

"And by the way, Sasuke, I picked up a new, uh, uniform I want you to wear." Orochimaru hissed. Ino immediately threw up.

Then the awkward silence was shattered by the sound of screeching tires. Toby, it seemed, had been overcome with fear and was making a high-speed getaway."

"Let's go home, Sasuke. "Orochimaru said. Sasuke allowed the sannin to continue to hold onto his shoulders as they turned around and headed off. Ino lay on the sidewalk, staring after them. But before they left the parking lot, there was a faint clang as something fell from Orochimaru's pocket. Ino scrambled to pick it up. A pair of fuzzy handcuffs. Ino looked in the direction that the pair had gone, then wheeled around. Shikamaru was kind of cute, now that she thought about it. She would go with that.

**A/N. And another driving lesson complete! That had a lot more Sasuke bashing than I intended….honest, I didn't mean to.**

**Theoretical complimentary cookies for all who review. And maybe a cookie for Gaara. And of course, a pair of fuzzy handcuffs for Fallen to Earth.**

**More chapters on the way. Believe it!**


	6. Jiraiya

**Disclaimer: The fact that this has a disclaimer means I obviously don't own Naruto.**

**A/N. Seeing as how there is more and more "non-child friendly" material in my chapters, I've just switched the story to a T rating. Sorry for the inconvenience (how this is inconvenient, I don't know).**

**Also, my apologies. This chapter is longer than I intended. Oh well, enjoy.**

By the time Toby had fled the village, given himself a pep talk, started the car and returned to Konoha, it was already past time for his next lesson to start. Indeed, when he had steered into the lot, he could see somebody waiting for him. He only hoped that it was not the scary pale man, come looking for his handcuffs.

But when he came closer, it was obvious that this was not Orochimaru; the only thing pale about this man was his extraordinarily long hair, the longest Toby had ever seen. The car had barely come to a stop when the man hefted himself into the passenger seat.

Toby began inching away from him. His experiences with adult students had been less than pleasant in the past.

"Hello! Allowed me to introduce myself, me, the toad master Jiraiya!" the man boomed.

Toby inwardly shuddered. He had met some weird people already, and this man was among the weirdest of all. Nonetheless, this man was his student, and as such, Toby felt obliged to launch into his long boring spiel. Being lectured was obviously not what Jiraiya had had in mind.

"Listen, that's all well and fine, but I know how to drive. You're a full-grown man, how about we use this car for a little bit of fun?" Jiraiya interrupted.

Toby, misunderstanding his intentions, curled up in fear and tried desperately to remember all the self-defence he had ever learned. But he had nothing to worry about. Yet.

Jiraiya didn't seem to notice Toby's discomfort, Instead, he let out an excited whoop and sped out of the lot excitedly. The car slowed slightly on once they reached the open road.

"Now...," began Jiraiya ,"where are they?"

Toby had no idea what his student was looking for, and said nothing. So far they had not crashed into anything, so he wasn't about to protest the blatant misuse of the instruction car. He didn't want to jinx his luck.

Around and around Konoha they drove, as Jiraiya seemed to get more and more frantic. He speeded down streets, constantly searching for something, but Toby didn't want to know what that something was. HE only hoped that it wasn't illegal.

All of a sudden, Jiraiya smacked himself in the forehead and made a quick U-turn.

"Of course!" he muttered to himself. Toby began to ask what had suddenly become so obvious when Jiraiya frantically interrupted

"How long would it take to drive this thing to the other side of Konoha?" he asked. Toby looked taken aback.

"Around 40 minutes, I would think. Why?" Toby replied. Jiraiya cussed, but a slow grin crept across his face.

"Then maybe we won't go by car." said Jiraiya, still smiling.

In a split second, Jiraiya bit down on his thumb, twisted his hands around in multiple hand signs, and slammed his hand to the dash, leaving a spot of blood behind. Toby gasped. He hated cleaning the interiors of the cars.

Then without warning, the car was 200 feet in the air. For one terrifying moment, Toby recalled his first student, Rock Lee, and wondered if this man had also performed the so-called "Primary Lotus" technique. But the car didn't slam back down to the ground. Instead, it stayed right where it was. A booming voice rolled across the land.

"Jiraiya?"

"Hey, Gamabunta, how's it going?" asked Jiraiya casually.

"Why have you summoned me?" the mysterious voice, who was apparently named Gamabunta, boomed.

"Yeah, how's about you set us down on the other side of Konoha?" Jiraiya requested, trying to sound casual.

"Jiraiya!" boomed Gamabunta.

"Hey, c'mon, I've been good, to you, haven't I?" Jiraiya pleaded," Please? Just this once? C'mon, old buddy, old chum."

Gamabunta clearly did not like being referred to as "old buddy, old chum". But nonetheless, he and Jiraiya were sort of friends. So he compromised. Instead of placing the car there, he hopped up into the air, and flung it off.

For several moments, Toby was certain that they were going to die. The car hurtled through speeds at previously unclocked speeds. Had rockets been invented, they would have been going faster than one.

Terrifying as the ride may have been, they were going in the right direction. In fact, they landed right at Jiraiya's planned location. Or rather, on the roof of it. But the rubber tires bounced, and the car finally came to a complete halt right in front a building. Perhaps Gamabunta knew Jiraiya a little too well.

"Here we are!" Jiraiya announced. Toby looked at the sign ,'_Konoha Bath House". _Was this man planning to bathe him? Toby slumped down in his seat, frightened.

But Toby's fears once again subsided. Jiraiya a was bright red and giggling excitedly at two girls that had just exited the bathhouse. Toby rolled his eyes - this man wasn't sinister, he was just girl-crazed.

Jiraiya began to let out a series of catcalls and pickup lines that made Toby shudder when the girls came closer to the car. Unfortunately for Jiraiya, the windows were rolled up to the top, so his suggestive comments were no more than a low muffled sound to the two girls and they passed right by without even realizing how many naughty things were going through the mind of the man sitting in the car. Jiraiya let out a small sob.

"No, girls, come back, pretty ladies!" he cried out. Toby nearly gagged.

"Dear god man," Toby began ,"Is that all you can think about?"

"Um, no, I think, uh, think about lots of other things." Jiraiya stuttered in reply. Before Toby could ask what those things were, however, the silver-haired man was frantically rolling down he window of his car. Reaching across Toby, he rolled down the passenger side window as well. A goofy grin crossed his face.

"Ladies! Oh, Ladies!" he called, but the girls had already gone out of sight.

"Damn it!" Jiraiya exclaimed. He gunned the engine and set the car off at a quick pace to catch up to the girls. But in his hurry, there was one thing Jiraiya forgot about.

A strong breeze whipped through the car from the open windows. Jiraiya's long ponytail, which he had coiled on his lap, began to flap up in his face. Swearing loudly, Jiraiya pushed the offending hair out of his eyes and over his shoulder. Or at least he tried to get it over his shoulder. There was a gentle pull, then a sharp tug on the side of Jiraiya's skull and he was lifted right out of his seat. Then came a sickening "thud" and the car jolted.

Toby looked down in horror. In all of a split second, the man's hair had blown out of the open window and been snagged in the wheel, pulling Jiraiya along with it.

Toby was brought back to earth by a faint moan from under the car. Fearing the worst, Toby stayed in the car and strained to hear his student's feeble cries of pain.

"Ladies...come back..." it said.

A medic was summoned for Jiraiya and a therapist was brought for poor Toby. So while the medic withthe _large assets _was examining Jiraiya, the kind pink-haired girl questioned Toby.

"So, why exactly is Jiraiya under a car?" she asked. Toby quietly explained the situation and recounted his student's moaning. The girl rolled her eyes at the woman tending Jiraiya.

"He's at it again, Tsunade." she said bluntly. The women, Tsunade let out a cry and began frantically kicking Jiraiya. Toby, fascinated by this new form of medicine, watched.

"You...old...fool!" she yelled ,"That kid is right! You are an old Pervy Sage!!!! Do you never learn?"

Jiraiya grinned weakly, and tried to re-direct his eyes from where they had been staring, but it was too late. Tsunade realized what he was up to.

"Jiraiya!" she screeched.

Toby sat back, in awe of this woman's genius. After all, she was the first to realize that instead of driving patients to the hospital, it was far faster to simply fling them there.

**A/N: And there's another chapter finished. Hope you liked it. well, actually, I find it pretty amusing, so if you dislike it, or if you are just sort of neutral about it, that's fine too. I can live with that. **

**If you DID enjoy it, then please, feel free to review. I like reviews, they make me happy. Don't you want to make me happy? Oh, but no flames, please. Those make me sad.**

**More on the way! **


	7. Gaara

**Disclaimer: If, for some reason, you thought I owned Naruto, I hate to inform you that you are sadly mistaken.**

**A/N: So sorry that this chapter took so long to write, but I've been busy updating some of my other stuff. Oh, well, it's up now.**

**And just a note, those of you have grown fond of Toby may not like this.**

Once Toby had been examined by the pink-haired girl, and made sure that Jiraiya would make a full recovery, he went back to his driving lesson. So Toby found himself sitting in the front seat, waiting for his student to show up. Again. And as always, he was nervous.

Toby's darting eyes suddenly caught sight of a figure. A young boy, probably in his early teens, was striding across the parking lot. Even from far away, Toby could see that he wore black clothing from head-to-foot, and his strangely blank eyes were rimmed with heavy black eyeliner. As he drew closer to the car, he lowered his head, so that all Toby could see was his brilliantly red hair.

Toby gave a sigh of relief. He had heard of this new generation of teenagers. They were listless and apathetic, taking little or no interest in the world around them and preferred to put their energy into believing that the world was out to get them. Toby relaxed. A rundown teenager, he could handle. This was going to be easy.

Toby can be stupid sometimes.

The dejected-looking teen flopped down into the car and immediately bounced back off the seat. Toby nearly did a double-take; the boy had a gigantic gourd strapped to his back.

"Er…" Toby stammered, trying not to stare ,"You're going to have to remove that."

Toby's sentence was met with a death glare from the young student. Toby shrank back. Then before he knew what was happening, sand was trickling out of the gourd. Most incredibly, it was slinking along the ground of it's own accord. Toby gave a whimper of fear when it entered the car, and shut his eyes. There was more of that faint sound of moving sand, then a horrible noise of tearing metal and ripping cloth, then a pause and a dull thud. Toby opened his eyes cautiously.

The seat beside him no longer had a backrest. The youth climbed in and sat down without a word. Toby noticed that his giant gourd now fit nicely into the car. The driving instructor took a deep breath and glanced at his clipboard for the boy's name.

'_Gaara of the Sand.' _ it read. That would explain all the sand. But why did that name sound vaguely familiar? Toby looked at his student. The boy was panting slightly, and glaring through the windshield as if it's transparency was in itself a great sin. The driving instructor forced a nervous grin onto his face. He would have to do this a bit differently.

"So, you want to learn to drive, eh?" he asked in a horribly forced cheerful voice. The boy stopped his staring contest with the air in front of him and directed his glare at Toby. He said nothing, and Toby continued.

"Well, son," Gaara looked suddenly furious ,"Once you learn to drive properly, it's a great sensation. Some people say they've never felt more alive…"

"I only feel alive when I kill things." Gaara interrupted. It was the first time Toby had heard the boy speak, and he had a low, rasping sound to his voice. Toby shrank back in fear. This was not good at all.

Toby switched tactics, "All right, you seem capable enough. Why don't you give it a shot? Try driving a lap of this parking lot?"

"Of course I'm capable enough, idiot." came the boy's low voice. Toby tried to be positive about it; at least he was talking now.

"I don't need to do your stupid test. I can crush you." Gaara continued, and with that, he shifted the car in gear and headed for the open road. Toby wondered what the ability to crush him had to do with driving.

For the most part, the ride was uneventful. The youth seemed to handle the car well, and apart from the unnerving rattling of sand, Toby found he had nothing to fear from this student. In fact, he was just starting to relax. Then it happened.

While on the highway, one will usually find oneself surrounded by competent drivers. Unfortunately, there are also incompetent drivers out there. And Gaara had the misfortune of encountering one.

Gaara was driving amiably along, going at a comfortable pace, well under the speed limit. All of a sudden there was a screech of tires and a black sports car raced by them. As it passed, a young man leaned out the passenger side window and shouted various obscenities at Gaara before the car cut him off, forcing Gaara to swerve wildly to avoid a collision. The black sport scar whizzed by, and the driver and passenger could be heard whooping wildly.

Gaara's eyes went wide, and he started breathing heavily. Toby began to slink down in his seat, sure that the boy was about to "feel alive".

But Gaara surprised him. H gunned the engine, and they whizzed by a car containing an elderly couple. To Toby's horror, Gaara leaned out the window at them and shouted "Eat this, bitches!"

Toby sat there, mouth agape. If he wasn't so terrified f the young man, he would have had to scold him. Not that it would have done any good. The red-haired lad had taken a liking to these foul words, and made sure to shout some at every person they passed, his grin growing wider by the second. Toby could only look on in horror.

Eventually, they came full circle of the highway and arrived back at the lot, where Gaara parked the car. Though he was no doubt crazy, he was actually the only person to ever make it back to the lot. However, his driving left a little to be desired.

"Gaara…" Toby began quietly. Gaara cut him off.

"This…this…driving." he growled. Toby resumed his cowering and yet again feared for his life.

"I've never felt so alive!" Gaara cried. He threw his hands up in the air, and a small cascade of sand seemed to erupt from his outstretched fingertips.

"I must get myself one of these cars!" Gaara shouted. Without further ado, he popped open the door and leapt into the parking lot.

All of a sudden Toby remembered where he had heard the name "Gaara" before. He shouted after the youth's receding back.

"Hey! Hey, wait a minute! You're that kid Chicken Little, er, Sasuke was talking about! The angsty one with all the issues! Your family's dead too, right? And you had a crappy childhood! Right? Right?" Toby called.

It took on look from Gaara for Toby to know that he had said the wrong thing. Sand was practically erupting from the gourd and formed a small avalanche as it raced to the car. Soon, it had completely enveloped the car. Toby began to panic and made fruitless efforts to peer out the windows. Then from outside, there came a muffled yell. The walls of the car began to buckle. The rear window caved in. And poor Toby was left to simper in the middle of it all.

Outside, Gaara had paused briefly, to watched the destruction; growing bored of it, he continued on his way. Over the noise of breaking class, crumpling metal and Toby's howls, another sound could be heard.

"Must…have…..car…….Must…..have………car……"

**A/N: So, it seems poor Toby got on the wrong side of Gaara's angst. Will he survive? You shall see in the next chapter, featuring everyone's favourite many-mouthed villain. But I don't want to give anything away. **

**Next update won't take as long. I swear. Oh, and review, if you so choose. And you will choose to - **_**right**_


	8. Deidara

**Disclaimer: I really do wish that I owned Naruto. Then all my favourite characters wouldn't have to die.**

**A/N: Um, I really have no idea what to say right here. Pretty much just, enjoy. And suggest any characters you want to see in that car. **

**But enough about me. Did Toby survive? Read on…**

It was a new day for the driving school. New car and new instructor, after the previous week's tragedy. Of course all of that was only temporary. The new instructor was only until Toby got out of he hospital, whenever that would be, and the driving school was simply too cheap to purchase another car, so it had rented one while the first was in for repairs.

The temporary driver's name was Alex, and unfortunately for him, he was of a primitive nature. The type of primitive nature displayed by those such as Jiraiya. In essence, the only thing on Alex's mind was girls. But poor Alex didn't feel any sense of foreboding when he caught sight of his next student. He was too busy feeling other things.

She was tall, and had long blonde hair that streamed in the wind as she walked. Her long bangs blew back, and Alex caught sight of a metal instrument where her left eye should have been. Perhaps she had been in some sort of accident. But that didn't matter. By now, she was close enough that Alex could see the black eyeliner rimming her eye, and saw the outline of her thin frame under her black cloak. Alex growled to himself. He loved tall blonde women who wore black eyeliner and cloaks.

She opened the door and sat down, acknowledging Alex with a grunt. He sprung into action.

"Hey there, little lady." he started. The girl froze, and Alex took that as his cue to continue.

" You ready for your lesson? I'm sure I can teach you a few other things too. How about it, baby?" Alex purred. The girl's eye widened. Alex, being clueless, kept going.

"Oh, sorry. Did I scare you? It's okay, I wouldn't hurt someone as pretty as you. You know, you're even cuter when you're scared, uh….." Tobu checked his clipboard for her name," Deidara. I like that. I'm Alex. And I'm gonna be your teacher today. Why don't I start by teaching you about the car's backseat?."

Now the girl was bright red. Alex grinned as he realized she was blushing, and was about to continue, but she interrupted.

"I'm a goddamn guy, un!" Deidara shouted indignantly. Alex merely laughed at "her" deep voice. It wasn't the first time a beautiful girl had gotten scared and pretended to be a guy. His good looks must be too much for her.

"Sure." Alex replied, winking at her. She opened her mouth for an angry retort, but he stopped her.

"Okay, let's start with a lap around the parking lot. Just grab hold of the steering wheel….if that's what you want." he instructed seductively. Deidara rolled his eyes and clutched the steering wheel, but immediately made a face and released it.

"What's wrong? Changed your mind?" Alex asked hopefully. Deidara shook his head.

"The steering wheel tastes funny." Deidara replied. For the first time, Alex saw tongues hanging out of the girl's hands. He was about to cry out in horror, but stopped himself. A girl with three mouths; what could be more perfect?

"So, what do you do with those hands?" he asked. Deidara looked at him, rolled down the window, then reached into his cloak and pulled out a small lump of clay.

"This." he replied. As Alex watched, he opened the mouth in his hand and began to chew the clay. A few seconds later, and Deidara was holding a perfectly round sphere of clay. Why waste extra effort on this man? He chuckled to himself, and flung the ball of clay out the window.

The deafening explosion rocked the entire car. Alex nearly flung himself to the floor, but stopped. This girl was feisty, was she? Alex enjoyed a challenge.

"Why don't you slip off that cloak, and cover the steering wheel with that?" Alex suggested. This earned him an angry one-eyed glare. Alex simply grinned, and pulled off his own shirt, draping it over the wheel.

Deidara grimaced, but grasped the wheel anyways. The shirt really did taste better then the wheel.

"So, do you really want to drive, sweet thing?" Alex crooned. Deidara grinned.

"Just watch me, un."

With that, the car went tearing out of the parking lot and down the street. After all, they could hardly drive in the parking lot after Deidara had blown half of it away. This should have worried Alex, but being ignorant, he only noted that Deidara seemed to enjoy life in the fast lane.

Deidara was a reckless driver, laughing maniacally all the way. However, he did manage to stay out of trouble; then they hit a traffic jam.

The cars stretched on for what seemed like forever, all honking their horns and spewing out black exhaust into the air. Deidara brought the car to a stop, and Alex saw it as an opportunity to make his move, but he was sadly mistaken.

"Outta my way, un!" Deidara yelled. Then he once again reached into his robe and drew out a lump of clay. Alex cringed. Deidara ignored his teacher's reaction and began chewing up the cay with the mouths in his hands, and before long, he was clutching two little clay birds. Alex relaxed and let out a sigh of relief.

Then, to Alex's amazement, the Akatsuki member held up his hands to the open window, and the little white birds flew out. The two watched them in silence, gracefully flying over the crowded cars, so beautifully.

Then those pretty little birds exploded. Deidara watched pieces of scorched metal and shrapnel fall down around them with a gleeful expression.

"Art is a blast!" he shouted, and revved the car to rocket through the field of ruined cars. For the first time, Alex was afraid of his blonde student. She kept going, oblivious to the wreckage around her.

By now, Alex was feeling quite ill from all this violence. After all, he considered himself a lover, not a fighter. In a weak voice, he requested to be taken back to the driving school, and when the rouge rock ninja saw the look on Alex's face, he hastily complied.

Thanks to Deidara's speedy driving and effective methods of unclogging traffic, they were sitting in the car in the ruined parking lot in minutes. Deidara was fiddling with a piece of clay while the driving teacher looked on in silence. Finally, he got up the nerve to speak.

"So, what else can you do with those hands?" he asked. This was the last straw. Deidara had had enough of his shameless flirting.

"I'll show you, un." he replied in his best imitation of a female voice. Trying not to gag, he reached out his mouthed palms to hold Alex's face and took a deep breath. After all, he had been to Zetsu's house for dinner a couple of times.

So he went for it. With a grim determination and the use of his extra mouths, Deidara managed to eat the offensive driving instructor. Then, to get the horrible taste out of is mouths, he ate the passenger seat as well. Tasteless inanimate objects were more to his liking.

When he had finished, he really began to think about what he ad done. As a major criminal, he didn't particularity care about Alex's fate, but he was sure someone would notice the missing car seat. Once again, he hauled more clay out of his pocket and frantically, chewed it, forming a perfect replica of he seat he had just eaten. Grinning in satisfaction, Deidara stepped out of the car and started to walk away, immersed in the success of his art.

He was halfway across the lot when he realized that his art had a tendency to explode.

**A/N: Finally, another chapter up! So sorry for the delay in chapters, but I've got a couple stories on the go right now. I will try to get the next one done faster!**

**Reviews would be nice. I like reviews. **

**By the way, I've sort of got no idea who to do next, I know I need to put a Kunoichi in there somewhere, but I'm just now sure… some help would be appreciated.**


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